drowning

don't you understand?
i can't just not finish.
because then its my fault
because i took that breath
i saved myself
and because of that
it is my fault
because then when i don't finish
it's because of that breath
and i could have done it
had i not gone up for air
i could have done it
had i been dedicated enough
so i'm going to do it
no matter what it takes
because then it doesn't matter
that i didn't drown myself
or even if i do tonight
they can't blame me,
and that cursed breath of air